


Depression Thoughts

by KimiSama1989



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Harm, Other, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Unnamed - Freeform, Unnamed Female - Freeform, female - Freeform, self - Freeform, suicidal, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24632725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimiSama1989/pseuds/KimiSama1989
Summary: Seriously, if you’re not in a good place mentally DO NOT READ
Relationships: None





	Depression Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: My depression flared up and I felt the need to write my thoughts
> 
> Warnings: Depression, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts

She wasn’t good enough. She would never be good enough. These were the thoughts running through her mind. Usually she could ignore them; tell herself that she was loved. That she was important to someone. Even if it was only one other person. Today, though, the reassuring thoughts didn’t come. 

Today, all she had was her brain telling her lies. She would never amount to anything. No one loved her. They only pretended to care. They put up with her because they felt sorry for her. She was really only a bother to them. 

She’d had people she considered ‘best friends’, but where were they now when she needed them most. They had all abandoned her. She wouldn’t try to reach out to them. She was only worthwhile when she helped them with their problems. Her depression wasn’t understood to these people who had never experienced it. She was a reminder to them that she wasn’t fun to be around anymore.

She hid her thoughts more and more, plastered her face with smiles and fake happiness. The more she seemed happy, the more she was dying inside. She bottled her every emotion inside and the pressure built day after day until she couldn’t take it anymore. 

She hadn’t been taking her medicine consistently. She felt like it wasn’t making a difference anymore. She was getting worse, but this had been the only medicine that had once felt like it helped. With this one no longer working, there were no other options.

She fought with herself, trying to find the person she used to be; the person she wanted to be again. She wanted to be happy. She didn’t want to feel the pain anymore. She wanted to want again. To want affection. To want friends. To want life. 

He had always been there for her. He had been her rock. He felt so far away from her now. She felt like she had truly lost him. He was only a room away, but she didn’t have the mental energy to seek out his comfort. 

She turned to her other form of comfort. She dragged her nails across her skin. Over and over, she continued until the skin broke and bled. The pain didn’t stay. It always left her like everyone else. She scratched again only for the pain to subside into numbness. The pain wouldn’t return anymore. She let her hand fall and she wept tearlessly for her lost happiness.


End file.
